Baby Jack Steven
With that in mind my focus has changed a bit so I decided to start a family blog. Keep up with what is happening with me at www.joyfulsillyfantastic.blogspot.com
Intentions
This week I've been trying to pay attention to the little things that bring me joy. Thanks to the Wish*full Art Retreat I have been exploring some new blogs lately and I've been getting a lot out of challenging myself to try new avenues of creativity. I've particularly enjoyed the blog of Kimberly Wilson, Doorways Traveler, Creative Every Day , and iHanna's blog. With so much inspiration online I've been trying to do something creative every day. Much to my surprise this is a lot easier that I anticipated. Whether its going to the pottery studio to glaze my pots, taking pictures, knitting, collaging, painting, art journaling, or researching books at the library I've managed to be creative every day and I'm thriving.
Each day I'm waking up energized and excited for the day. Living with MS makes energy a luxury so I've learned to enjoy it while I can. Who knew being so creative could have such energetic and therapeutic results? I'm appreciating the little victories too whether it be finding a great picture for a collage, finishing a quilt block that I thought would never get done, or simply finding a pretty flower in my yard its been nice to just slow down and take it all in for a change. If I've learned anything about living with MS thus far is that the one thing I can constantly count on is change. Sometimes its minute by minute, hour by hour or day by day I just never know. Being someone that has NEVER deal with change well being diagnosed with MS was some kind of sick joke but as time goes on I'm coping better. I'm learning to enjoy the good days and try not to get caught up in the anxiety of worrying what's going to happen next. It's an ongoing process but I'm really beginning to understand how important being creative is to me. These past few days I'm realizing that by silencing my fears, tapping into my inner artist, and just following my heart I will thrive!
Creativity
This weekend I participated in an online art retreat that helped my creative spirit soar! I journaled, doodled, painted, drew, scribbled, collaged, photographed and unleashed my inner child. It was powerful, inspiring, and most of all it really filled me with joy.
I've dabbled in various art classes over the years. There's been knitting, spinning, pottery and beading but secretly I've always wanted to take the type of courses that were offered during the Wish*full art retreat. Each course was unique, playful and inspiring. Each of them helped me to express myself in a different way. Some parts were a little more challenging than others because it helped me to realize that often times the only thing stopping me from unleashing my creativity is me. I'm so thankful for such an inspiring weekend and I look forward to implementing what I've learned in an on-going promise to myself to keep creating and embrace the whimsical aspects of life.
Sock Camp
Ok you know you haven’t blogged in a while when you can’t remember your password!
I’ve put blogging off for a while, but after a recent trip I couldn’t wait to blog again.
What could get me blogging again…..that’s easy…..Sock Camp!!!
A few weeks ago I attend session one of Sock Camp in Port Ludlow Washington and it was an amazing experience. Having never gone to “camp” as a kid I was quite happy to partake in my first camp experience and it was epically fun. There were excellent classes, arts & crafts and silly evening antics.
This was my first sock camp and it blew me away. I had a professor that used to say that “archaeology is the most fun you can have with your pants on…” and while archaeology is pretty fantastic he clearly never attended Sock Camp!
Sock Summit!!!
Must obtain yarn this color =)
I can't believe that Sock Summit is just a few days away. I've been excited about attending for over a year now and now its just around the corner. I'm really excited about the classes I'm taking, the lectures, sock hop, luminary panel, Ravelry meet-up...so much fun in just a few short days!!! I've never been to Portland before and I'm looking forward to seeing a new city and meeting new friends. I'm not quite sure what to expect but I'm pretty sure that Sock Summit will live up to all expectations. I think I'm just as nervous about the unexpected as well. When I was still working I would travel from time to time and I always enjoyed the Independence of exploring a new place. For the most part most of the conferences I've attended have been work or school related...translation.....archaeology conferences.
Now archaeology conferences are pretty darn cool. Often times there are amazing lectures and updates on projects going on in different areas and archaeologists themselves....well they can be quite the entertaining bunch. Gathering us all in one place with equally obsessed cohorts just kind of fuels the fire. Each and every archaeology conference I've attended has been memorable. I remember my first conference when I was an undergrad and I was so worried that I wouldn't fit in, or I wouldn't know anyone or I wouldn't understand what the lectures were about, etc...you name it I was nervous about it. The funny thing is now that I'm retired from archaeology I realize how far I had come from being so nervous at my first conference to attending subsequent conferences and knowing more people, giving my own lecture in front of my peers, and rubbing elbows with some of the archaeologists whose work I studied in school. The last archaeology conference I attended was about 4-5 months prior to being diagnosed with MS. It was a blast, I had a great time with my friends, made some new contacts, learned a lot and just really enjoyed being around folks with the same interest. Over the past few years as MS has invaded my life I've found myself adapting, adjusting, trying to figure things out and deal with the reality of my life now. Now that I'm not working, I'm not in school, I'm not pursuing archaeology anymore. In a lot of ways I still struggle with "who am I now?" I'm the same person but at the same time things are a lot different now.
I'd be lying if I didn't say I wasn't nervous about Sock Summit but I'm pretty sure my excitement overpowers any nerves I'm having (i.e. don't make an ass (sorry I should write arse) of myself if I meet the Yarn Harlot. I attended multiple classes with Cat Bordhi at TNNA and managed not to make an ass out of myself but still the sheer number of amazing sock knitters that are going to be at this event is staggering. It may not be scientific but I'm pretty sure that the increased volume of superstar knitters (Stephanie Pearl-McPhee, Anna Zilboorg, Barbara Walker, Cat Bordhi, etc...) only increases the chance of making yourself look like a huge idiot. In a few days I'm going to be in a strange city and I'm going to be surrounded by knitters...more specifically sock knitters.....and I'm guessing from looking at the vendor list that the sock yarn fumes are going to be engulfing Portland for what is sure to be an incredibly memorable weekend.
In which I obsess over TNNA, socks and archaeology......
It has been a while since I've blogged but I've been keeping myself busy with lots of knitting. Particularly knitting socks, reading books about knitting socks, watching YouTube videos about knitting socks. For the most part I've been fairly obsessed about knitting socks for quite some time. Earlier this year I was lucky enough to attend TNNA in San Diego where I was able to take FOUR classes with Cat Bordhi which just furthered my obsession. Now I first found out about Cat Bordhi when I picked up her books on mobius knitting, I was hooked. When she came out with her book on knitting socks with two circular needles I was intrigued.
If I had to make a list of famous knitters I would want to meet (because honestly who doesn't have a list of famous knitters they want to meet). Cat and the yarn harlot would be #1. I know technically there shouldn't be two number ones but its my list and both Cat and Stephanie are on the top of my list. That being said, getting to take classes with Cat was such an awesome experience; she was kind and friendly and so warm and approachable. Her excitement is contagious and although its been a few months since TNNA I'm still in a sock knitting state of nirvana. Toe-up, cuff down, magic-loop, DPN's, 2 circulars...doesn't matter Cat's New Pathway's book has completely liberated my perspective on how to go about knitting a sock. Not only is Cat an amazing knitter and fabulous teacher she has also written a novel by the name of Treasure Forest. As soon as I got home from TNNA I ordered it and devoured it over a few days it was fantastic. I highly recommend Treasure Forest it is a captivating story that draws you in and you can't put it down.
As I sat in Cat's classes surrounded by various knitters, designers, shop owners, and teachers I couldn't help but look around to make sure I wasn't the only one totally geeked out by meeting Cat Bordhi. I could seriously go on and on and on about how fantastic she was, how much I learned, how inspired I was etc... it was simply fabulous.
TNNA was filled with fabulous experiences and I was able to meet some amazing knitters. Cat introduced me to Clara Parkes and I tried not to make an ass out of myself. When I first started knitting I found out about Knitters Review and I was instantly hooked. While I recovered from shoulder surgery I roamed through the forums and read all the articles; while I begrudgingly worked on various graduate seminar projects for school I would turn to Knitters Review for a quick detour away from academia and post processual theoretical approaches to household archaeology (say that five times in a row). All along my knitting journey (sorry Bets I used the word journey hehehehe) I've been a big fan of Knitters Review so meeting Clara was simply cool. Now trying to explain to my husband how exciting it was to take classes from Cat, meet Clara, and then meet a TON of authors during various book signings over the course of the weekend was a tad bit challenging but he was quite happy that I had such a good time. The best part was being there with my dear friend Betsy who was equally excited about all of the various TNNA booths and knitterati.
Since TNNA I've been knitting when I can, rolling with the punches that MS throws at me and trying to settle down into my new job....retired archaeologist. I've wanted to be an archaeologist as long as I can remember and I'm blessed that for a good 10+ years I was an archaeologist. My good friend Matt likes to remind me that I'm still an archaeologist but coping with MS, new lesions, further health problems and the death of my career has been rather trying at times. There are days when I think....now what am I supposed to do.....then there are the days when I think "aren't I supposed to be thinking about what I was supposed to do, but huh? what was I thinking." I'm still on the fence as to whether the neurological problems are worse than the physical problems associated with MS so my opinion changes rather frequently. Recently as I slowly accept my current situation I am thankful for the wonderful friends and family that I have in my life and for the experiences I've had so far in my life. The great thing about knitting, and specifically knitting socks is that stitch by stitch row by row not only are you creating something useful but also something beautiful.
Currently I'm rather excited about designing my own patterns for socks and I've been having a great time agonizing over stitch patterns, taking what I've learned from Cat and knitting socks fearlessly. I never thought I would admit it, and I'm sure my archaeology friends will think I'm crazy but there is something about the process of knitting socks that is darn near as fun as archaeology without the occupational hazards of cactus, cactus, cactus, morning glory covered cactus, cactus, cactus oh and did I mention cactus? Where I spent most of my career doing fieldwork always involved cactus on some level, stepping on it, over it, moving it aside to look for sites, you name it it always involved cactus. In knitting if you make a mistake you have to rip it out, well in dealing with this particular occupational hazard of cactus you still have to rip it out. While on a sadistic level I miss the fieldwork terribly I don't miss my relationship with the cactus. Now as I settle into my current situation I'm happy that as far as the future holds I'm fairly certain it will be filled with more yarn and significantly (zero) cactus.
Keep Moving Forward......
I can hardly believe its 2009! Where do all of the days go? It amazes me how fast time goes by while you are dealing with different ever changing aspects of your life. Recently I started a different MS medication so my timeline on things have been pretty reversed. I'm hopeful that this time the progression of MS will be slowed down. After having my last MRI and seeing the progression of MS lesions in my brain from a year ago it was quite hard to face starting over on new shots and hoping that they work. Its a waiting game and can be quite overwhelming at times but I think I'm finally coping with the changes MS brings the best I can.
Craft wise I'm making as many craft messes in my house that I can. I've been knitting, spinning, painting, sewing, and general mischief making. I've been really enjoying knitting socks and have had socks on the brain for months now. For my birthday my husband got me an Ashford Joy spinning wheel and I just love it! I've been spinning more and am starting to get obsessed with rovings. I just really enjoy the creative process. I also adore catching up on blogs especially my friend Susan's blog. She is so wise and so creative, I just love her patterns!!! They challenge me and insipre me and I'm constantly wondering what she is going to come up with next.
Day by day, week by week, life trods along. With the good and the bad I try to remember a line from one of my favorite Disney movies ...."keep moving forward."
Hello...hello.....is this thing on.....
"We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world" -
Helen Keller
The past few months have been a whirlwind of change and I'm just slowly catching up with all that has been happening. I was just talking to a friend about how fast time flies and yet at the same time sometimes days/months/years seem like they were forever ago. It seems like last year was a lifetime ago and this year I can hardly believe its almost September. I have to catch myself and focus on the good things instead of the hard things and I'm slowly getting the hang of it.
In the past few months we've adopted two new kitties to add to our family. Our older cat has cheered up a lot now that there are kittens running around but she still takes the time to knock some sense into them and show them who's boss. Our dogs are both interested and fearful of the kittens since they tend to start running around bouncing off the furniture, your head, the dogs so that can be a little unsettling. I'm so happy to be surrounded by so many pets they are just a joy and a constant source of laughter.
There is only one horrible, terrible thing about having these two new kitties.......yarn addiction. Apparently it starts young these days because both cats are completely set on finding any and all yarn/roving/ribbon/shoe laces you name it and they are on the prowl. I watched one of the cats scale the large bookcase to get to a basket of yarn I had placed on the highest shelf. Both cats feel that my spinning wheel is the greatest bed/play area ever. While I appreciate their great appreciation of all things fiber related it makes leaving my knitting out no longer an option. One of the cats in particular has the fine taste for sock yarn and while its horrible to even think about she particularly loves Malabrigo lace yarn. She actually picked up my very first skein of Malabrigo ever in her mouth and went running behind the television. I didn't even see her do it at first but my husband said "what did she just get?" Had I known that the Malabrigo was in danger I would have raced to its rescue immediately but since I was still unaware of this cats craftiness I let my husband go after her. When he emerged holding the Malabrigo now covered in kitten drool I dare say I felt a little faint.
I've been knitting random projects here and there. I'm still slowly knitting away on Crocus Pocus. I've learned the valuable lesson of only knitting charts when MS isn't rearing its ugly head. So this project is taking me a lot longer than I anticipated but patience is a virtue right? Susan has come out with additional pattern in her Garden Varietals collection so I'm excited about tackling those once I get Crocus Pocus complete. I love her designs and her blog she is so creative and always has something profound to say. She's witty and silly and just a really cool person I love seeing her designs come together the way she incorporates beads just thrills me to no end. My dear friend Betsy is working on one of Susan's designs and it is so gorgeous.
I'm also getting back into rubber stamping/altered art. My husband has set up a very nice work table and storage area downstairs so I can craft to my hearts content without having to constantly go upstairs to get something. I have all of my stamps, inks, ribbons, glitter, etc...organized and labeled and its been really fun just playing around again. I was visiting my parents a few weeks ago and my mom took me to this store called The Stamp Addict. It was fabulous!!!!! The owner was so sweet and helpful and I was able to pick up some supplies for a few projects I've been working on. My mom isn't really into stamping but she's a big quilter and luckily there is a quilt store next to the Stamp Addict. So I could drool over the different stamps and inks and my mom could shop at the quilt store. It was a perfect combination!
Living with MS continues to be a daily struggle but I'm dealing with it the best I can. I've got to focus on looking forward instead of looking back.
Chh, chhh, chhh, changes......
Ok so I really tried to work hard and just stick to one project. I was just going to knit mystic light (and maybe some socks) but I was going to wait before starting this next project but I couldn't help it. It turns out I like the yarn for mystic light more than I like the pattern. So on the positive side I actually finished two of the clues before the next clue was released which was rather interesting for me (especially with all of the yarn showing up in the mail from the Woolen Rabbit). I think I will eventually knit Mystic Light but I'll use a different yarn. It's funny how I feel guilty sometimes when I'm stopping or starting a new project. Its not like the project is going to say "hey you have to finish me first," although I swear the Magic Carpet yarn has been trying to seduce me for weeks! As soon as the beads arrived those too were totally teaming up and well, frankly I was helpless, it just happened, the beads got on the yarn and well I casted on I even may have knitted a little, not a lot...but definitely a little.
I also may have started another sock. Just one little quick and easy sock. I couldn't help it when I went upstairs to look for something else the koigu just jumped onto some needles and well the pattern pretty much knits itself...Honestly look at that koigu, how could any knitter resist it. The truth is I was going to start on this but I couldn't locate my size 0 needles, they are still being evasive so I needed something to knit while waiting to find the size 0 needles.
So there are lots of changes going on. Projects put on hold and projects started. I strung the beads for Magic Carpet (MC) yesterday and started about 10 rows of it and I was in heaven (ok so maybe I knitted a little more than previously mentioned). I also started a pair of socks with someyummy yarn so in case the MS flares up I'll have a back of easy project. So far so good.
So aside from changes in my knitting progress I've also been planning for some changes in my life. I'm constantly having to adjust or adapt to depending on my health and we (my husband and I) have recognized that where we are currently living is not exactly conducive to my mobility issues. When we bought our house I loved that it was two stories tall with high ceilings but now that I've got MS those stairs feel like a death trap and I've already fallen down them enough to know that they are just not working for me. So we are planning on moving back down to San Diego to be closer to our family and better hospitals. So in the meantime current house has turned into a construction zone. Painters, gardeners, more painting. It's been a little unsettling for me so as always I've turned to knitting to help get me through it.
I historically have not done well in adapting to change, I don't like change and normally change doesn't like me but I've learned (naturally the hard way) that not all change is bad. We need to change and as much as I hate to admit it I have learned quite a lot from periods of intense change. I'm aware each day to be thankful for everything, for my friends and family, for my pets, for my life experiences so far. I have to be thankful and enjoy each second of each day because I never know how I'm going to feel or if I'm going to be mobile or not.
The sad thing is that I would much rather give up my physical ability than to have to come to terms with the neurological dysfunction that occurs in my brain from time to time. I know that it sounds horrible to say that but for so long so much of how I saw myself was associated with my brain and my academic achievements. So it all comes back to definitions again. How do I define myself and how will I continue to change that definition. I have MS, I am not MS. I've graduated college, I've attend grad school and I hope that the time will come when I am able to complete my thesis and obtain my master's. The funny thing is a few years ago I would have considered not finishing my thesis a total failure. I would have balked at the idea of taking time off of from school and I would have pushed to just keep going. It's one of the unexpected bonuses of having fibromyalgia and MS, they band together and force you to listen to your body and slow down.
During my recent stint in the hospital I watched a lot of movies, mostly Disney and Pixar because I frankly love cartoons I can't help it they just make me smile. There is one movie Meet the Robinsons that has this phrase "keep moving forward." In the film the family views failure of an invention (or failure in general) as a positive thing. The film stresses the importance of learning from your mistakes and Keep Moving Forward.....
The definition of "me" prior to MS would view "keep moving forward" as keep moving as fast as you can as quick as you can forward, forward, forward, forward, did I mention forward and quickly? Its amazing what a little MS can do for a girl, you know?
I'm realizing that it's important to keep moving forward but its ok to stop and snuggle the yarn every once in a while. Its ok to change your mind halfway through a project and rip it out. Its ok to try harder projects that intimidate you because you aren't sure if your brain is going to be cooperating that day. Projects that in the past you would have felt no unease fear may take me a little longer now but it still only comes down to one stitch at a time. One stitch forward, maybe a few stitches ripped back and I'm realizing that it isn't so much as important to me for every single thing in my life to be wrangled and controlled. As much as I have spent the majority of my life being a total type A over achieving control freak I'm realizing that my body (with its very challenges) in its own way is being its on over achiever just not in the way that I would have chosen.
New paint on the inside and the outside of my current house makes me change perspective a little. Some of the cracks and bruises have been patched and painted but its still home. The colors may have changed but the integrity of the home stays in tact. While one project has been set aside another one is providing challenge and joy. Moving will be a process but the end result will be so worth it because we'll be surrounded by our family. Family is important and when the chips are down I know that I've got a great family that loves and supports us.
"The important thing is this: To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. -- Charles Dubois"
Knit, knit, tink, tink, tink...
So once Adara was finished it was time for the mystic light KAL. Somehow, miraculously I have managed to finish each clue prior to the next clue being released. I'm determined to finish this project for purely selfish reasons. The sooner I finish the clue the sooner I can start on the Magic Carpet Ride pattern. I finished clue 2 a day early and when I went to start Magic Carpet and I couldn't find my darn beading needle.
So I searched.......
and I searched.....
and I searched......
Then I gave up searching and vowed to work on my mystery shawl (MS3) which I stopped mid-way through that KAL. The problem is I could find the second skein of yarn, I could find the charts and the pattern but I couldn't find MS3 on the needles anywhere.
So I searched.....
and I searched.....
and I searched........
I found MS3 (still on the needles) but then I couldn't find the beads. I was going to start searching again but I realized I was searching more than I was knitting and I had a perfectly good sock to work on.
So I went downstairs and picked up my sock and managed to make it all the way down to the heel flap. I was glad that I had "accomplished" something since all of my searching didn't turn up what I needed.
I wake up the next morning and go into my craft room determined to find what I was missing and there they are.....the beading needle........and the mystery shawl beads.....right on top of my in plain view. I laughed so hard. It is so fitting that some times you search so hard for something that was right in front of you in the beginning.
So I guess the moral of the story is....if you practiced knitting project monogamy you wouldn't have to worry about lost beading needles or missing mystery shawl beads...hehehehe
Oh and to make matters better this project and this project showed up in the mail......The yarn as always is to die for!!! Oh and the dynamic duo Kim and Susan did it again with this. I'm so excited and inspired.
In the midst of all of this searching and knitting I've begun to learn a lot about myself as a knitter. Before I would just "muscle through" some patterns just to finish them. Now I'm appreciated each pattern I select. I like knowing a little bit about the designer. I like to know a little bit about the person behind the yarn. All of those tidbits of information make each project that much more enjoyable. I've even been known to (tink) back some of my knitting instead of my normal just K2tog and keep on moving. Sometimes tinking can be as fun as knitting (note that is said "sometimes") For the times when its not fun there are always cupcakes. Cupcakes make just about anything better.
I'm learning understand a lot more about fixing mistakes than I gave myself credit for. I love knitting lace even though it once (mystery shawl project) got me such in a tizzy that I stopped. I've vowed to stop stopping so I am eager to finish the mystery shawl (of course after I finish the newly arrived projects) I wouldn't want to offend the new yarn.
Once again I am learning so much about myself all while cherishing every knit or tink of these projects.
You can't have the rainbow without having the rain.....
I had to keep reminding myself these past couple of weeks that "you can't have rainbows without having the rain." I've finally finished my Rainbow shawl and I love it!!! It serves as a visual reminder so that when times get tough, or my body decides to mutiny against me I can wrap myself in color and know that everything will be all right.
I learned a lot during this knitting project. I'm normally more concerned with getting something done or starting something else. I can get pretty distracted and certainly my MS flare-up doesn't help with staying on task. Not to mention while I was knitting the Adara rainbow shawl project this came out so I promptly got the pattern and then went to my LYS with my Christmas gift certificate in hand to get the yarn. Then in the midst of my future knitting planning this came out. All I can say is WOW!!!! I purchased the kit from Kim (who is so very talented and quite nice) and when the yarn arrived I almost cartwheeled through my house (my current lack of intense mobility hindered the ability to cartwheel physically, but mentally I was cartwheeling around the block!). The yarn is so beautiful and both projects are amazing. Needless to say I'm quite obsessed with both the shawl and the scarf especially since there are lots and lots of beads incorporated into the pattern!!! I love beads almost as much as I love yarn so both of these projects have me in a knitting frenzy.
It clearly would have been easy to get distracted but I just kept on knitting my rainbow shawl one stitch at a time. I kept telling myself that as soon as I finished this shawl I could start on one of Susan's projects. She is such an amazing designer and the projects she has "in the works" just blow my mind. I love the fact that not only are her patterns gorgeous but she is also super nice and very active in the forums on Ravelry. It is so nice to like the patterns and the person!
So in the midst of this Rainbow shawl I definitely hit a rough patch of stormy weather and I think it is a small miracle that I didn't abandon the rainbow shawl when I came home from the hospital. The vibrant colors of this shawl really called to me and I was itching to get back to it while I was sick. Even though my knitting was a bit slower it still only needed one stitch at a time. So slowly but surely I continued the project. I'm also thankful that my physical and occupational therapists both thought knitting was a good idea and I've already had my knitting speed back up to its normal pace.
I just had to keep reminding myself that you can't have the rainbow without the rain so even though I hit a rough patch the sky has begun to clear I can enjoy the rainbow in front of me. Now the only dilemma is which project to start next!!
Creativity Edition - Carnival of MS Bloggers
I recently blogged about definitions and how the definitions of myself change almost constantly. Through these changes I am always aware of the opportunity for growth, even if I experience some growing pains. We'll I'm proud to announce that this weeks edition of the Carnival of MS Bloggers is focused on Creativity. I'm proud to be a contributor to this weeks issue and I enjoyed learning about other people with MS and how creativity helps them. So check it out, learn about other crafts, learn a little bit about MS. Either way you are guaranteed to learn something! So check it out, discover some new blogs, make some new friends, either way you won't be disappointed.
"I'm a leaf on the wind....watch how I soar - Wash (Firefly)"
It amazes me how fast things can change. The past few weeks have taught me some valuable lessons about life, knitting, and....... well....... life with knitting. I returned home this Saturday after a 5 day stint in the hospital and a 4 day excursion at a acute physical therapy rehab facility. Nine days, 216 hours, 12960 minutes, the longest of my life. You see when MS teams up with fibromyalgia some interesting things can happen.
I experienced an "exacerbation" and boy did it knock me off my feet. I'm slowly working on my stamina and I'm getting better a little each day but it was a humbling experience. I'm using a walker now which drives me crazy but I'm thankful for the ability to walk again. I'm thankful for being able to feel my legs even if they are numb sometimes. I'm overjoyed that my left hand has gotten back with the program even though the right one is still on an extended vacation but sends postcards ever so often.
I learned knitting can help through just about anything, even if it only involves garter stitch on size 50 jumbo needles. I learned that even if you think that the jumbo garter stitch troll scarf you are knitting doesn't exactly showcase you capabilities non-knitters will be impressed by your ability to turn yarn into something pretty. On one of the days at the rehab center one of the discharge nurses stopped by for me to sign some paperwork, she was very soft spoken until she saw the knitting on the couch next to me and then she exclaimed "OOOOOOO KNITTING!!!" If I hadn't already been laying down I think I would have been knocked over as she circled the bed to see the yarn.
I learned that my friends and family are pretty awesome and for the most part are a lot better in a crisis than I am. I learned that while my cognitive ability may wax and wane depending on the MS I have a random knack for remembering quotes from the show Firefly and subsequent movie Serenity. One of my favorite quotes is "I aim to misbehave" and that is exactly how I felt during the last few days of physical therapy. I've never felt quite like a caged animal until I was at the rehab center. I think its because I was feeling better and was more aware of my surroundings and all I wanted to do was to go home.
One of the wonky things about MS is cognitive dysfunction and for me that normally involves confusion and disorientation. I won't necessarily understand where I'm at or how I got there sometimes it can be quite frightening and other times its just a tad annoying. During the initial stay at the fabulous UCSD medical center (they were AMAZING!) I was confused a lot of the time which was a combination of the pain I was under and the MS playing with my two remaining brain cells. Luckily through it all I've managed to maintain my sense of sarcasm, I like to think of it as a major coping mechanism.
I am so overjoyed to be home, to walk, to use my hands, to be with my pets, to knit on something other than garter stitch (Adara's making slow progress but progress none the less). It so cheesy but there really is no place like home.
One of the most important lessons I've learned and continue to learn is energy conservation. Things may take me a bit longer than they used to but it doesn't mean I have to stop doing what I want to do. I just have to do it different and that's OK.
Join the Movement.....
One stitch at a time is how I'm approaching my knitting these days. As long as I just keep focusing on that one little stitch at a time then things are pretty manageable. It allows me to focus on the moment and the process of knitting without getting overly worried about what is coming next in the pattern or how many rows I have left to complete on my current project. By refocusing my attention on my knitting I'm learning how to knit in a different way and I'm enjoying it a lot more.
My thought process towards knitting is just one of the things I've had to adjust to. It's odd how there are some things that can be adjusted to easily but others just seem to a herculean task. I realized this week that the only thing stopping me from making necessary adjustments is me. When I first got diagnosed I thought, "we'll I'll just keep knitting and I'll figure things out." The problem is I stopped knitting. I stopped crafting. I stopped creating. I just kind of stopped.
It was easier to stop than to face some of the realities I was confronted with. It's one thing to drop a stitch of your knitting because you just weren't paying attention, it's a lot harsher to drop a stitch because your arms are shaking because of a neurological dysfunction. If you don't knit, then you aren't as acutely aware of your shaking arms. If you quit spinning yarn on your spinning wheel you maybe aren't reminded that you aren't quite as coordinated as you once were, and maybe you don't have the same control over your feet as you used to.
I've been struggling a lot with "definitions" how I define myself and how I am defined by others. It seems like I'm constantly at a crossroads of who I am and just when I think I figure it out I realize that I'm far from figuring out. Who I thought I was and who I thought I would be certainly never involved the letters "m" and "s". It seems like one day I was on a trajectory going in one direction and then the next day and a few doctor's appointments later I'm something completely different. Most days I don't even focus on the fact that I've got MS, I'm learning to deal with the treatments, the side effects, and the odd reactions I get from folks when I'm using my cane or walking a bit wobbly; but I don't think about the MS. Yes I know denial is not just a river in Egypt. I realized this week that as much as I thought I was dealing with all of the changes MS has brought I realized that I wasn't as ok with it as I previously thought.
Earlier in the week I received a comment from a blogger asking to join in the Carnival of MS Bloggers. To be honest my first reaction was "huh? I'm not an MS blogger, I'm a craft blogger." I called a friend kind of distressed by this label of being an "MS blogger." My ever so wise friend made the brilliant assertion that I don't have to join in. I hung up relieved. She validated me, I didn't have to join in, I didn't have to be an "MS blogger." Yet as the days went on I kept dwelling on it, not quite sure why I was so uneased by it. No one was twisting my arm, no one was saying you must do this, and yet I couldn't quite shake the feeling of not being honest with myself.
Then I realized it I am a lot of things: wife, friend, knitter, spinner, bobbin lacer, sewer, quilter, poet, crafter, wood turner, pet lover, oh and I have fibromyalgia and MS. I'm also left-handed, hate onions (unless they are fried) oh and I detest mustard (unless its honey mustard.) I realized that if I had been asked to join a wood turning group or any other craft non-health related group I would have been thrilled. Then it all kind of clicked in my head. When I started this blog I knew it would be a mis-mash of "life and crafts smashed together," and that's what I want my blog to be about. Along the way as I worked on my ever changing lists of projects life kind of happened and now MS is part of my life. I am an MS blogger, and a craft blogger, and a variety of ever-changing things.
This week I faced the inevitable truth that MS is a part of who I am but it does not define who I am, no one thing that I do or that I'm interested in defines who I am and most importantly I realized the freedom of letting go can be an uplifting experience. The fact of the matter is one of my mechanisms for dealing with MS is crafts of all sorts and as I learned this week from the fabulous folks in the MS knitter's group on Ravelry, I'm not the only one crafting with this illness.
Monday kicks off MS awareness week. Today I recieved an e-mail from the National MS Society that asked the question "what will you do to move us closer to a world free of ms?" The only answer for me was to stop "stopping" and start "moving." Moving in a forward direction of acceptance and if necessary adjusting. So I'm proudly joining the Carnival of MS Bloggers, I'm proud to be an MS blogger AND a craft blogger. I'm also thankful for the life lessons I learned this week and I look forward to blogging about my various craft projects and life with MS.
When life throws you lemons stab them with your knitting needles!!
Adara Rainbow Shawl So I've been knitting more lately, and well when I say more I mean a lot more. Somewhere along the past few months of researching ms, taking medications, switching insurance plans, and losing a pet I lost the desire for crafting. Sure I'd pick up something here or there and think oh this is the project that will get me crafting again. Sooner than later I would lose interest and spend my time trying to figure out what was missing. Crafts were missing, consistent crafting was definitely missing.
One of the sad and sometimes funny aspects of multiple sclerosis is my forgetfulness at times. There are days when this is scary and there are days when it makes me laugh. For instance, I love Ravelry and yet if I'm not consistently on it searching new projects I totally forget about its existence. I know how could anyone addicted to Ravelry forget about it (that's the not so fun part of ms). Then when a good friend of mine mentions something she saw on Ravelry I get all excited and the light bulb goes off in my head remembering how much I love searching around that site. It makes me laugh because its like rediscovering something you love all over again.
I love knitting, I love it. I love reading about it, I love doing it, I love yarn, needles, stitch markers, row counters, charts, darning needles, blogs, Ravelry, patterns...etc....I forgot how much I loved it and how much I need it in my life. Thanks to Ravelry I can track projects that I'm working on and set goals for myself of new projects I would like to try. So that's the plan for now. I've currently got a few projects that I'm working on and a few projects that I've got the yarn picked out for. My ultimate goal is this! I know its a little scary but there are a lot of things in life that are a little scary, or a lot scary and I have to constantly remind myself when the self doubt creeps in that all knitting is just made up of two stitches and I only have to work on one stitch at a time.
Live with Intention
Cleo, aka Cleocatra, aka Big ChubbaA friend of mine gave me a beautiful bracelet for Christmas and on it was inscribed the phrase "Live with Intention." It really touched my heart and has been an excellent motto these past few months as I've encountered setbacks with my ms treatment and more recently the loss of our beloved cat Cleo.
It just seemed fitting that my first blog in a long time should be about living with intention and about Cleo because she lived life to the fullest. She was an expert fly catcher, tangler of yarn, sun beam snoozing, fur ball of love. My husband I rescued Cleo and her sister Hattie from an animal shelter and having her in our lives was a true blessing. As much as we will miss her I know that with time it will be easier to remember the good times with more joy than sorrow.
Nothing about Cleo was ordinary and she knew it. While her sister has always been calmer and quieter it was Cleo who would be tormenting the puppies or causing havoc in my yarn room. It was Cleo that would sneak downstairs in the middle of the night to scratch on the furniture or unravel a recently completed row of knitting. Even her meow was more of a battle cry warning to Hattie that she was feeling playful so Hattie better watch out. She so desperately wanted to talk, especially in the middle of the night when we would be trying to sleep. While Hattie would jump lightly onto the bed Cleo with her claws sticking out would preform kitty acupuncture on a weekly basis. I swear that cat never learned how to retract her claws. She was a nut case but she was our little nut case and we are devastated by her passing.
The house seems much quieter now without her meowing to announce her intentions of stinking up the bathroom or jumping on Hattie while she sleeps. I miss seeing her on the top of the stairs, belly exposed to the world being warmed by the sun. Sometimes I used to think Cleo would have been better off as a dog since she would dramatically lay down and expose her tummy for a good rubbing. As soon as she would see you walking in her direction she would move from her side to her back exposing her furry little gut. Cleo never was ladylike but that is why we loved her.
Cleo always lived with intention, although sometimes her intent could be a little questionable. Cleo may not have been a very graceful kitty but what she lacked in grace she made up in charm.
A day at a time...
Charleston, SC Well the days just keep piling up around here like the unfinished craft projects that litter my house. In the past few weeks I haven't accomplished a lot on the crafting front but I have managed to learn a little about bobbin lace and I'm hooked. Dealing with MS and the new medications have been quite troublesome so I'm sick more often than not, when I'm not sick I'm reading what I can on bobbin lace and lace in general which helps to pass the time.
Last week I spent time with my parents which was nice. My mom has lots of cool crafting books and magazines so I enjoyed looking through those. I also got to go and visit my Grandma which was fun. My parents and Grandma have been so supportive during the past few months and it was great to see my Grandma. She's so upbeat and even when I don't believe in myself, she believes in me and is cheering me on. It was just so great to see her and give her a hug. I loved spending the week with my parents. My mom and I hang out a lot normally but I don't get to hang out that much with my dad so it was fun catching up with my dad, getting him to fix some things for me, and just chill with my folks. My parents are super crafty too so I guess I know where I get it from.
My mom's chickens were equally entertaining. An orange tabby cat recently adopted my parents and for some reason I think he is under the impression that he is a chicken. When we go outside the chickens all run up to us and time and time again "Morris" would be in the middle of these 10 chickens running with the pack to come and greet us. It was the strangest thing but it made me laugh pretty hard. My parents have an inside cat named Twinker who is an excellent kitty nurse, good ole Twinker stayed on my bed all week and followed me around the house everywhere I went. It was fun spending time with my parents pets but it sure made me miss my own puppies and kitties. Animals just warm my heart so much, especially when I'm not feeling good its nice to have a little critter to curl up with.
While visiting my Grandma she gave me a bunch of rocks that she used to collect with my Grandpa on their RV adventures. Most have them have been tumbled and polished but some of them have not. My dad and I got a rock tumbler so I'm looking forward to tumbling some of the un-polished stones. I've always loved different rocks and shells so it was neat talking to my Grandma about her collection. Today I went to the local library and picked up a book on gems and minerals so I'm hoping to be able to identify some of the different rocks.
Well I'm hoping to feel better soon so I can blog more and post some newer pictures. With MS and the new medications I'm just taking things one day at a time and hoping for the best. I continue to gain great support from my awesome friends and family and gain comfort from different crafts, either by doing them or reading about them when I'm to sick to work on things myself. I know that my family, friends, and different crafts will help me get through this.
The Archaeology of a Sewing Basket....
Cambria Tide poolsSo much has been going on lately that the days just seem to fly by. Living with MS continues to be a constant lesson in being humble, and with the fires in San Diego last week I'm increasingly grateful that my folks still have a place to call home. I'm also blessed to have such awesome friends. This week has been a hard one for me, I had to learn to self inject my MS medication and was very scared by the entire process. Not to mention my heavy dose of denial is slowly wearing off and I'm beginning to begrudgingly realize that MS isn't going away anytime soon.
Today I made a little jaunt over to my favorite thrift shop while I was waiting for my prescription to be filled and made an amazing discovery....I purchased and funky little sewing basket for $2.50 which included the basket and its contents. I liked the basket because it looked well used and there was something about it that made me smile, not to mention I think I inherited some sort of basket kleptomania from my mother because I definitely don't need any more baskets but boy do I like them!
Anyway, I took my little basket home and set out to discover the contents. Being the archaeologist that I am in real life I couldn't help but take things out "layer" at a time. Even when I could see something underneath a pile of ribbon I resisted disturbing the stratigraphy of the sewing basket. Piece by piece I uncovered a wide arrangement of items. Little hand sewn pockets contained different pieces of ribbon and bias tape, at the bottom of one of the little pockets I was surprised to find a small bag of hot pink sequins and another bag of dime sized silver sequins. In the corner I found a box advertising those little circular thing-a-ma-bobs (for a whopping 15 cents) that you use to prevent the holes in your paper from tearing, but inside the box contained an assortment of needles. Little bits of delicate lace were rolled into little pillows and stacked in a plastic baggie. Cream and pink lace encircled an old piece of card board. Bits and pieces of different thread wrapped themselves around old card stock and a Simplicity pattern label. A few thimbles rumbled around a flowered ceramic dish.
An Air Force Ez Sewing kit contained bits of felt with various sized needles, tan and navy blue bias tape and patches stacked themselves next to the Air Force kit. Old suspender straps gathered with delicate hosiery clasps all held in place by a large safety pin. A single strand of orangish red sequins stood out next to the full ball of hunter green Coats and Clark darning thread. A large pointy needle with a round circle on the end of it stuck itself between soft darning thread. I've never seen a needle like it and I look forward to figuring out what it was used for. Folded in between a funky piece of cardboard were two peculiar looking needles, one which was shaped like a crescent, and the other a very nicely tapered "yarn needle."
In the corner of the basket, almost out of sight stood what I thought to be a stack of bobbins. I was pleasantly surprised to find a silver lipstick type tube with a bobbin on top, when I took the bobbin off it revealed a wooden needle holder containing needles and wrapped around its side was two different types of thread. This lipstick sewing kit was apparently compliments of "Cal's Beauty Salon" and the sight of it just brought a huge smile to my face.
Contained in this funky old little basket were so many little treasures. The bits and pieces of white and cream lace saved perhaps for a future project? Varying colors of bias tape all organized and ready to be used. Needles of all shapes and sizes organized in small boxes, the Air Force sewing kit, and bits of recycled cardboard. Ribbons, clasps, thread, and brightly colored sequins sprouted forth from this funky little treasure box. Granted somethings were cooler than others but I got a good laugh out of this metallic, elastic, fake stone encrusted ribbon that had been clearly painstakingly removed from its original ensemble. It was an interesting afternoon of discovery and well worth $2.50.
I have a ton of ideas in how to incorporate the various bits of lace into a series of projects I'm working on and brain-storming ideas. The "artifacts" from this funky little wooden basket were intriguing and made me wonder about its previous owner. It was a good day for a little creative discovery.
It's a small world after all.....
My fabulous hubby Mike
As of today I've been married 6 years and 1 day to a fabulous guy named Mike. My husband is my best friend and is one of the smartest people I know (he's also pretty darn handsome!). He's funny, silly, smart, compassionate, and we have a great time together. When I first met Mike in college we realized that we had been at the same track meet when we were in high school and I remembered thinking that it was so nutty that we could have been at the same place at the same time and then meet all these years later. I realized what a small world it was.
So yesterday to celebrate our anniversary we went to Disneyland and had a blast. I haven't been feeling the greatest lately and it was nice to be at the happiest place on earth with the person that makes me the happiest girl on earth and even though I wasn't up to riding any of the rides we had fun looking at the different Disney pins (I'm a pin trading nut). Mike is what I would like to call an "enabler," especially when it comes to pins. This trip he finally picked out a few pins of his own, granted they were Star Wars themed Mr. potato head pins, but still, the effort was appreciated.
We also entered the realm of Department 56 at downtown Disney. On a recent trip to Vegas with my folks my mom and I started collecting different village series of Department 56. My mom is collecting this and I started to collect this. Well after looking around the store Mike discovered this village. I naturally protested against him insisting that since they were having a sale we should collect both villages. That Mike, well he can be pretty persuasive. I was glad that we both liked the North Pole village although Mike had his eye on something from the original snow village series. One never knows when they may need a decorated cow at the north pole.
It was a super fun day and a great way to spend our anniversary. I am so thankful to be married to my best friend and it was nice to have such a fun day. Today has been a rather lazy day, Mike and I watched the Charger game (well Mike watched it and I organized my pin collection). Its been a good weekend.
No new news on the crafting front. I've been continuing to work on my free-form crochet purse that has taken on a life of its own but it keeps me from being distracting and freaking out about having this. I think I'm starting to get a bit more scared lately and I think it has to do with everything sinking in. I keep reminding myself that "its all a process" it was nice to spend time at Disneyland and be distracted by it all. It was good to feel a little "normal" for change.
Free your mind....and the rest will folllow......(hopefully)
Little Petroglyph Canyon
For some crazy reason I've had music from En Vogue stuck in my head lately, I was never a particularly huge fan of them but I did have their CD and I really liked their song Free your mind. Part of the lyrics are "free your mind and the rest will follow" and well frankly this past weeks crafting projects definitely needed a mind that was free (not to mention my brain has been working a bit on overload since my diagnosis with MS last week so I could use a little break).
So I've made some crafting progress in the past week. I made a Tunisian crochet poncho out of my variegated green hand-spun yarn and it turned out warm and cozy. I've also developed a new obsession- free form knitting & crochet. No rules, just yarn, different needles and go! Freedom!!! Now that's my type of project. I took a free form crochet class last Friday at Debra's shop and it was a blast. Keep in mind, I'm a knitter, not a crocheter. I know how to chain and apparently how to do a single crochet but beyond that I have no idea what I'm doing. Crochet freaks me out, between the double, half double, treble stitches- well frankly its just too many stitches. Knitting is easy, everything is knit or purl and combinations of those two stitches. Now the crocheters may beg to differ but I like only having to deal with two stitches, however in free-form you can do whatever you want and it doesn't matter. So with yarn at the ready and a few of my favorite crochet hooks (yes I'm not a crocheter but I can't help it I like pretty crochet hooks) I was ready to go.
We started out forming a circle (I though I was doomed) luckily the infamous sock knitter the fabulous Martha was on hand to give me some encouragement and make sure I wasn't messing up too bad. Martha is a fabulous crocheter and a pretty awesome knitter too. She was one of the students in my sock knitting class and she is a total delight. I was so happy that we were both students together for this class. The divine Miss. Patsy was also in the free form class and as usual had some beautiful colors and textures picked out for her purse. I just love seeing how every ones projects were coming together. I learned early on that my "circle" was really more of a ruffly representation of a circle but it was free-form anyway so it didn't bother me one bit. By the end of class I looked like I had crocheted this but I was quite pleased with my psychedelic toxic jellyfish. The initial shape also reminded me of the heads on the figures pictured in some of the Coso Petroglyphs.
Well ever since Friday I've been "hooked" literally. Since I don't have to stress about following a pattern I love the freedom of just changing hooks, adding new yarns and textures and just following the existing form. I think the simplicity of just following the existing form is what soothes me the most since the past few weeks have been pretty stressful and I'm still coming to terms with the reality of having to live with this.
I also recently read this by Crazy Aunt Purl and it made me laugh so hard my stomach hurt. It was great to read about the misadventures that led to her discovery of knitting and I could relate to a lot of what she said about knitting being a calming force. Not to mention its something great to do when it feels like all of your troubles are going to consume you.
So by "freeing" my mind if you will for the free form crochet I've also had to free up some brain space to deal with some of the stress I've been facing. Needless to say manipulating yarn with hooks is a lot easier. I've also come to the realization this week that as scared as I am about having MS and all that entails I know that I've got a great group of people in my life that care about me. My family who knows me, loves me and is there for me. My group of friends who pretty much rock the house and are made up of some of the most talented, intelligent, creative, compassionate, silly women and men I know. My fur-family of my two cats and dogs who faithfully keep me covered in pet hair and are ready to assist with any new project I'm going to tackle. Best of all, my best friend, my hubby who, well, frankly, is pretty freaking cool. Where I'm irrational he's calm, when I'm up tight, he's silly. He can do the best John Black face ever and it makes me laugh (you have to be a Days of our Lives fan to understand the funny faces that the character makes when he is trying to be series, lets just say he does this funky eyebrow raise that makes him look anything but serious). I have a great group of people in my life and I'm so blessed.
So today I'm off for lunch with one of my bestest friends Matt and hopefully tonight I'll be back in force at the Tuesday night craft night.
It's all in the details....
