You can't have the rainbow without having the rain.....

I had to keep reminding myself these past couple of weeks that "you can't have rainbows without having the rain." I've finally finished my Rainbow shawl and I love it!!! It serves as a visual reminder so that when times get tough, or my body decides to mutiny against me I can wrap myself in color and know that everything will be all right.

I learned a lot during this knitting project. I'm normally more concerned with getting something done or starting something else. I can get pretty distracted and certainly my MS flare-up doesn't help with staying on task. Not to mention while I was knitting the Adara rainbow shawl project this came out so I promptly got the pattern and then went to my LYS with my Christmas gift certificate in hand to get the yarn. Then in the midst of my future knitting planning this came out. All I can say is WOW!!!! I purchased the kit from Kim (who is so very talented and quite nice) and when the yarn arrived I almost cartwheeled through my house (my current lack of intense mobility hindered the ability to cartwheel physically, but mentally I was cartwheeling around the block!). The yarn is so beautiful and both projects are amazing. Needless to say I'm quite obsessed with both the shawl and the scarf especially since there are lots and lots of beads incorporated into the pattern!!! I love beads almost as much as I love yarn so both of these projects have me in a knitting frenzy.

It clearly would have been easy to get distracted but I just kept on knitting my rainbow shawl one stitch at a time. I kept telling myself that as soon as I finished this shawl I could start on one of Susan's projects. She is such an amazing designer and the projects she has "in the works" just blow my mind. I love the fact that not only are her patterns gorgeous but she is also super nice and very active in the forums on Ravelry. It is so nice to like the patterns and the person!

So in the midst of this Rainbow shawl I definitely hit a rough patch of stormy weather and I think it is a small miracle that I didn't abandon the rainbow shawl when I came home from the hospital. The vibrant colors of this shawl really called to me and I was itching to get back to it while I was sick. Even though my knitting was a bit slower it still only needed one stitch at a time. So slowly but surely I continued the project. I'm also thankful that my physical and occupational therapists both thought knitting was a good idea and I've already had my knitting speed back up to its normal pace.

I just had to keep reminding myself that you can't have the rainbow without the rain so even though I hit a rough patch the sky has begun to clear I can enjoy the rainbow in front of me. Now the only dilemma is which project to start next!!

Creativity Edition - Carnival of MS Bloggers

I recently blogged about definitions and how the definitions of myself change almost constantly. Through these changes I am always aware of the opportunity for growth, even if I experience some growing pains. We'll I'm proud to announce that this weeks edition of the Carnival of MS Bloggers is focused on Creativity. I'm proud to be a contributor to this weeks issue and I enjoyed learning about other people with MS and how creativity helps them. So check it out, learn about other crafts, learn a little bit about MS. Either way you are guaranteed to learn something! So check it out, discover some new blogs, make some new friends, either way you won't be disappointed.

"I'm a leaf on the wind....watch how I soar - Wash (Firefly)"

It amazes me how fast things can change. The past few weeks have taught me some valuable lessons about life, knitting, and....... well....... life with knitting. I returned home this Saturday after a 5 day stint in the hospital and a 4 day excursion at a acute physical therapy rehab facility. Nine days, 216 hours, 12960 minutes, the longest of my life. You see when MS teams up with fibromyalgia some interesting things can happen.

I experienced an "exacerbation" and boy did it knock me off my feet. I'm slowly working on my stamina and I'm getting better a little each day but it was a humbling experience. I'm using a walker now which drives me crazy but I'm thankful for the ability to walk again. I'm thankful for being able to feel my legs even if they are numb sometimes. I'm overjoyed that my left hand has gotten back with the program even though the right one is still on an extended vacation but sends postcards ever so often.

I learned knitting can help through just about anything, even if it only involves garter stitch on size 50 jumbo needles. I learned that even if you think that the jumbo garter stitch troll scarf you are knitting doesn't exactly showcase you capabilities non-knitters will be impressed by your ability to turn yarn into something pretty. On one of the days at the rehab center one of the discharge nurses stopped by for me to sign some paperwork, she was very soft spoken until she saw the knitting on the couch next to me and then she exclaimed "OOOOOOO KNITTING!!!" If I hadn't already been laying down I think I would have been knocked over as she circled the bed to see the yarn.

I learned that my friends and family are pretty awesome and for the most part are a lot better in a crisis than I am. I learned that while my cognitive ability may wax and wane depending on the MS I have a random knack for remembering quotes from the show Firefly and subsequent movie Serenity. One of my favorite quotes is "I aim to misbehave" and that is exactly how I felt during the last few days of physical therapy. I've never felt quite like a caged animal until I was at the rehab center. I think its because I was feeling better and was more aware of my surroundings and all I wanted to do was to go home.

One of the wonky things about MS is cognitive dysfunction and for me that normally involves confusion and disorientation. I won't necessarily understand where I'm at or how I got there sometimes it can be quite frightening and other times its just a tad annoying. During the initial stay at the fabulous UCSD medical center (they were AMAZING!) I was confused a lot of the time which was a combination of the pain I was under and the MS playing with my two remaining brain cells. Luckily through it all I've managed to maintain my sense of sarcasm, I like to think of it as a major coping mechanism.

I am so overjoyed to be home, to walk, to use my hands, to be with my pets, to knit on something other than garter stitch (Adara's making slow progress but progress none the less). It so cheesy but there really is no place like home.

One of the most important lessons I've learned and continue to learn is energy conservation. Things may take me a bit longer than they used to but it doesn't mean I have to stop doing what I want to do. I just have to do it different and that's OK.

Join the Movement.....

One stitch at a time is how I'm approaching my knitting these days. As long as I just keep focusing on that one little stitch at a time then things are pretty manageable. It allows me to focus on the moment and the process of knitting without getting overly worried about what is coming next in the pattern or how many rows I have left to complete on my current project. By refocusing my attention on my knitting I'm learning how to knit in a different way and I'm enjoying it a lot more.

My thought process towards knitting is just one of the things I've had to adjust to. It's odd how there are some things that can be adjusted to easily but others just seem to a herculean task. I realized this week that the only thing stopping me from making necessary adjustments is me. When I first got diagnosed I thought, "we'll I'll just keep knitting and I'll figure things out." The problem is I stopped knitting. I stopped crafting. I stopped creating. I just kind of stopped.

It was easier to stop than to face some of the realities I was confronted with. It's one thing to drop a stitch of your knitting because you just weren't paying attention, it's a lot harsher to drop a stitch because your arms are shaking because of a neurological dysfunction. If you don't knit, then you aren't as acutely aware of your shaking arms. If you quit spinning yarn on your spinning wheel you maybe aren't reminded that you aren't quite as coordinated as you once were, and maybe you don't have the same control over your feet as you used to.

I've been struggling a lot with "definitions" how I define myself and how I am defined by others. It seems like I'm constantly at a crossroads of who I am and just when I think I figure it out I realize that I'm far from figuring out. Who I thought I was and who I thought I would be certainly never involved the letters "m" and "s". It seems like one day I was on a trajectory going in one direction and then the next day and a few doctor's appointments later I'm something completely different. Most days I don't even focus on the fact that I've got MS, I'm learning to deal with the treatments, the side effects, and the odd reactions I get from folks when I'm using my cane or walking a bit wobbly; but I don't think about the MS. Yes I know denial is not just a river in Egypt. I realized this week that as much as I thought I was dealing with all of the changes MS has brought I realized that I wasn't as ok with it as I previously thought.

Earlier in the week I received a comment from a blogger asking to join in the Carnival of MS Bloggers. To be honest my first reaction was "huh? I'm not an MS blogger, I'm a craft blogger." I called a friend kind of distressed by this label of being an "MS blogger." My ever so wise friend made the brilliant assertion that I don't have to join in. I hung up relieved. She validated me, I didn't have to join in, I didn't have to be an "MS blogger." Yet as the days went on I kept dwelling on it, not quite sure why I was so uneased by it. No one was twisting my arm, no one was saying you must do this, and yet I couldn't quite shake the feeling of not being honest with myself.

Then I realized it I am a lot of things: wife, friend, knitter, spinner, bobbin lacer, sewer, quilter, poet, crafter, wood turner, pet lover, oh and I have fibromyalgia and MS. I'm also left-handed, hate onions (unless they are fried) oh and I detest mustard (unless its honey mustard.) I realized that if I had been asked to join a wood turning group or any other craft non-health related group I would have been thrilled. Then it all kind of clicked in my head. When I started this blog I knew it would be a mis-mash of "life and crafts smashed together," and that's what I want my blog to be about. Along the way as I worked on my ever changing lists of projects life kind of happened and now MS is part of my life. I am an MS blogger, and a craft blogger, and a variety of ever-changing things.

This week I faced the inevitable truth that MS is a part of who I am but it does not define who I am, no one thing that I do or that I'm interested in defines who I am and most importantly I realized the freedom of letting go can be an uplifting experience. The fact of the matter is one of my mechanisms for dealing with MS is crafts of all sorts and as I learned this week from the fabulous folks in the MS knitter's group on Ravelry, I'm not the only one crafting with this illness.

Monday kicks off MS awareness week. Today I recieved an e-mail from the National MS Society that asked the question "what will you do to move us closer to a world free of ms?" The only answer for me was to stop "stopping" and start "moving." Moving in a forward direction of acceptance and if necessary adjusting. So I'm proudly joining the Carnival of MS Bloggers, I'm proud to be an MS blogger AND a craft blogger. I'm also thankful for the life lessons I learned this week and I look forward to blogging about my various craft projects and life with MS.

When life throws you lemons stab them with your knitting needles!!

Adara Rainbow Shawl

So I've been knitting more lately, and well when I say more I mean a lot more. Somewhere along the past few months of researching ms, taking medications, switching insurance plans, and losing a pet I lost the desire for crafting. Sure I'd pick up something here or there and think oh this is the project that will get me crafting again. Sooner than later I would lose interest and spend my time trying to figure out what was missing. Crafts were missing, consistent crafting was definitely missing.

One of the sad and sometimes funny aspects of multiple sclerosis is my forgetfulness at times. There are days when this is scary and there are days when it makes me laugh. For instance, I love Ravelry and yet if I'm not consistently on it searching new projects I totally forget about its existence. I know how could anyone addicted to Ravelry forget about it (that's the not so fun part of ms). Then when a good friend of mine mentions something she saw on Ravelry I get all excited and the light bulb goes off in my head remembering how much I love searching around that site. It makes me laugh because its like rediscovering something you love all over again.

I love knitting, I love it. I love reading about it, I love doing it, I love yarn, needles, stitch markers, row counters, charts, darning needles, blogs, Ravelry, patterns...etc....I forgot how much I loved it and how much I need it in my life. Thanks to Ravelry I can track projects that I'm working on and set goals for myself of new projects I would like to try. So that's the plan for now. I've currently got a few projects that I'm working on and a few projects that I've got the yarn picked out for. My ultimate goal is this! I know its a little scary but there are a lot of things in life that are a little scary, or a lot scary and I have to constantly remind myself when the self doubt creeps in that all knitting is just made up of two stitches and I only have to work on one stitch at a time.

Live with Intention

Cleo, aka Cleocatra, aka Big Chubba

A friend of mine gave me a beautiful bracelet for Christmas and on it was inscribed the phrase "Live with Intention." It really touched my heart and has been an excellent motto these past few months as I've encountered setbacks with my ms treatment and more recently the loss of our beloved cat Cleo.

It just seemed fitting that my first blog in a long time should be about living with intention and about Cleo because she lived life to the fullest. She was an expert fly catcher, tangler of yarn, sun beam snoozing, fur ball of love. My husband I rescued Cleo and her sister Hattie from an animal shelter and having her in our lives was a true blessing. As much as we will miss her I know that with time it will be easier to remember the good times with more joy than sorrow.

Nothing about Cleo was ordinary and she knew it. While her sister has always been calmer and quieter it was Cleo who would be tormenting the puppies or causing havoc in my yarn room. It was Cleo that would sneak downstairs in the middle of the night to scratch on the furniture or unravel a recently completed row of knitting. Even her meow was more of a battle cry warning to Hattie that she was feeling playful so Hattie better watch out. She so desperately wanted to talk, especially in the middle of the night when we would be trying to sleep. While Hattie would jump lightly onto the bed Cleo with her claws sticking out would preform kitty acupuncture on a weekly basis. I swear that cat never learned how to retract her claws. She was a nut case but she was our little nut case and we are devastated by her passing.

The house seems much quieter now without her meowing to announce her intentions of stinking up the bathroom or jumping on Hattie while she sleeps. I miss seeing her on the top of the stairs, belly exposed to the world being warmed by the sun. Sometimes I used to think Cleo would have been better off as a dog since she would dramatically lay down and expose her tummy for a good rubbing. As soon as she would see you walking in her direction she would move from her side to her back exposing her furry little gut. Cleo never was ladylike but that is why we loved her.

Cleo always lived with intention, although sometimes her intent could be a little questionable. Cleo may not have been a very graceful kitty but what she lacked in grace she made up in charm.

A day at a time...

Charleston, SC

Well the days just keep piling up around here like the unfinished craft projects that litter my house. In the past few weeks I haven't accomplished a lot on the crafting front but I have managed to learn a little about bobbin lace and I'm hooked. Dealing with MS and the new medications have been quite troublesome so I'm sick more often than not, when I'm not sick I'm reading what I can on bobbin lace and lace in general which helps to pass the time.


Last week I spent time with my parents which was nice. My mom has lots of cool crafting books and magazines so I enjoyed looking through those. I also got to go and visit my Grandma which was fun. My parents and Grandma have been so supportive during the past few months and it was great to see my Grandma. She's so upbeat and even when I don't believe in myself, she believes in me and is cheering me on. It was just so great to see her and give her a hug. I loved spending the week with my parents. My mom and I hang out a lot normally but I don't get to hang out that much with my dad so it was fun catching up with my dad, getting him to fix some things for me, and just chill with my folks. My parents are super crafty too so I guess I know where I get it from.


My mom's chickens were equally entertaining. An orange tabby cat recently adopted my parents and for some reason I think he is under the impression that he is a chicken. When we go outside the chickens all run up to us and time and time again "Morris" would be in the middle of these 10 chickens running with the pack to come and greet us. It was the strangest thing but it made me laugh pretty hard. My parents have an inside cat named Twinker who is an excellent kitty nurse, good ole Twinker stayed on my bed all week and followed me around the house everywhere I went. It was fun spending time with my parents pets but it sure made me miss my own puppies and kitties. Animals just warm my heart so much, especially when I'm not feeling good its nice to have a little critter to curl up with.



While visiting my Grandma she gave me a bunch of rocks that she used to collect with my Grandpa on their RV adventures. Most have them have been tumbled and polished but some of them have not. My dad and I got a rock tumbler so I'm looking forward to tumbling some of the un-polished stones. I've always loved different rocks and shells so it was neat talking to my Grandma about her collection. Today I went to the local library and picked up a book on gems and minerals so I'm hoping to be able to identify some of the different rocks.



Well I'm hoping to feel better soon so I can blog more and post some newer pictures. With MS and the new medications I'm just taking things one day at a time and hoping for the best. I continue to gain great support from my awesome friends and family and gain comfort from different crafts, either by doing them or reading about them when I'm to sick to work on things myself. I know that my family, friends, and different crafts will help me get through this.